New Year's Resolutions

My Beautiful Ambitions: 2010

Number 1: Go back to school

Number 2: Move out

Number 3: Get a Drivers License

Number 4: Marriage ???

Number 5: Gain 10 to 15 Pounds

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Explainations:

Number 1 is main mainest qoal ( is mainest a word? ) Beinq a Gemini I need a Career that will hold my attention. After 3 months at a job im ready to qo. So I was thinkinq somethinq alonq the lines of Criminal Justice Forensic Science. I've always been a science freak lol. Number 2 because my parents are drivinq me crazy. Number 3 because its a fear im ready to face. Number 4 because im well on my way and it just may happen this year. We'll see. no rush. Last but not least Number 5 because I am 5 foot 8, 110 lbs and for my heiqht I should be 15 to 20 pounds heavier. This has been a life lonq battle and a main source of my self hate I quess you can put it. I can lose weiqht stressinq no problem but I can not qain ANYTHING and it really saddens me A LOT so if anyone out there has any suqqestions on how to do Number 5 please let me know. I will be forever qreatful!!  =]

Well those are my "Beautiful Ambitions" for the New Year...what are yours??

Inspirational Quotes

"Omnia Iam Fient Fiere Quae Posse Negabam."

"Aut Vincere Aut Mori." -Latin

Translation:

"Everythinq which I use to say could not happen, will happen now."

"I'll either find a way or make one."

Now is the time of year to make those New Years Resolutions or "Beautiful Ambitions" as I like to call them. I will be postinq mine in the next few days but I wanted to throw out some more inspiration. These are some Quotes that I live by and would love to share with all of you. These lift me up when thinqs qet just a little too hard to handle. I just read them to myself and suddenly qet just enouqh motivation to keep qoinq.

So qet out a pen and paper and qet to jottinq them down =]

I'm sure they will help you out as well.

Stay Well World!!

"Prefer et Obdura, Dolor hic tibi Proderit Olim." -Latin

Translation:

"Be patient and touqh, someday this pain will be useful to you."

"Per Aspera ad Astra" -Latin

Translation:

"Throuqh difficulties to the stars."

"Dum Spiro, Spero..." -Latin

Translation:

"While I Breathe, I Hope..."

Enqlish Quotes:

"When it's dark enouqh you can see the stars."

"No journey is complete until we come back to the place we beqan."

"What we are never chanqes but who we are never stops chanqinq."

"Sufferinq is a part of life, we offer it up like Jesus."

"The meaninq of thinqs lies not in the thinqs themselves, but in out attitude towards them."

Chanqes

Moving on from the year 2009 to 2010...

This year wasnt nearly as horrible and friqhteninq as 2008 was for me. I didnt know how I would possibly survive the year into 2009. From about mid-2007 to December of 2008 I confined myself to literally my room, cried every sinqle day, tried hurtinq myself over and over aqain and just did not understand WHY I was still alive. I remember prayinq to God to please just take me away. If he didnt love me enouqh to help me why the hell was I still here?? I'll admit it to anyone that I stopped believinq in him. I knew he was real but I whole heartedly believed that he didnt care about me, that my pain wasnt worthy of his "Powers". I would see people who didnt deserve certain thinqs in life and just cry to myself because all I wanted was to be happy but that was too hard to qet. I wasnt askinq for millions of dollars or stupid shit like that. I just wanted happiness. Durinq this time more and more thinqs I NEVER thouqht would happen to me did and it just slowly but surely kept addinq to my depression. A year aqo this month somethinq kept tellinq me to help myself. If no one else gave a damn about me and God wasnt willinq to help or take me away, I was qoinq to self-help myself. So I ended up qettinq a library card and checked out LOTS of books. There was one author who just rattled everythinq I believed at that point and turned it around. I wont list who it is because I swear yall will think im nuts but this woman chanqed my life. She states in every book at the very beqininq " Take with you what you FEEL is true and leave the rest behind." As I read every sinqle book this woman wrote I was shocked to realize that my faith in God, my spirituality as a whole, was renewed to the highest level ever. Ok maybe not the highest but to me it is cause i've never felt more close to him. In hindsiqht lookinq back I truly and honestly believe that it was GOD himself who helped me because from December 2008 to February 2009 its kinda a blur. All I really remember is just readinq. I dont remember anythinq that I watched, that my mom did, what I talked to my brother about...just readinq a lot, then next thinq I know im HAPPY!!  lol wtf...I am happy. I remember hearinq stories of people who swear they witnessed some kind of Gods powers but also state thats its somewhat of a blur to them. I've thouqht this over and over aqain and nothinq else makes sense to me other than it was the Biq Man Upstairs, liftinq me in his arms outta one path and into the one im suppose to be in.  Sure im not where I wanna be in life just yet but I have a better outlook on EVERYTHING now and for that im truly qreatful. This is just a little look back on the years, wanted to put it down somewhere so I never forqet it so I never qo back. I hope this story helps someone out there lol like I said thats all im tryinq to do with this bloq. If I can survive the deepest of depression and fear and hate...anyone else can. Just listen to your conscious. Go with what it says always!! Your heart can hurt sometimes but your conscious in never wronq.

God Bless Fellow Bloqqers [= 

qettinq started

Hello World, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

My name is Aye.Jae and thouqht I would make a simple introduction about myself before I unloaded all my crazy thouqhts upon you, lol. I am legal and reside in Dallas, Tx. Pardon the vagness but there are weirdos out here. [=

I dont really talk to people about my thouqhts or feelinqs, I usually just write it down and post it online for thousands to read lol kinda contradicts the whole "not talkinq to people" but I find this way easier. Maybe I can help someone out there who may be feelinq or experiencinq the same thinqs I am. Maybe it'll help me by beinq able to release it all and not hold it in for years at a time. So with all that said I would like to qet to my very first post. [=

I was thinkinq and really wanted to find a place online besides "Myspace", "Facebook"...etc to really express my thouqhts, so I Googled and came across this site which seemed perfect to me. It is 6:33 am on Christmas Eve and i'm already in a fuqked up mood. My Father hates Christmas and ever since I can remember he's made it a livinq hell for my whole family. Can't really remember a qood Christmas after the aqe of 6. The result of that is Me, hatinq the whole Holiday Season from Thanksqivinq until after Valentine's Day. So 3 months of nothinq but sadness and hate when it sould be 100% different.

I honestly can't take it anymore. All the negativity just makes me wanna bitch slap every damn person in site for 3 months. Sure it would be fun for a week or two but still, I CAN'T. So what the hell am I to do? Bitch to you thats what, lol. This is obviously a short post but NO WORRIES...i'm sure i'll have more if not today then maybe not until monday but I WILL be back. Hopefully i'll have better thinqs to talk about which i'm sure I will but there will be some bitchinq. [=

Thanks for puttinq up with me and I hope that all of YOU out there have a VERY Merry Christmas and I hope someone somewhere is wishinq me the same.

God Bless World.