My Sincerest Apologies!!!!!!!

I really want to apologize to all who have followed me and read the thoughts in my head. My life has been a roller coaster since I have last been on. I will eventually get to all that as time goes on because its too much to type right now. I just mainly wanted to let everyone know that I am still around and I am back. I have started blogging again for my nail art and I really wanted to continue my personal blog as well. For those of you who are interested in nail art feel free to check out my blogs and/or follow. My Tumblr Page is NailsByAyeJae.tumblr.com My WordPress Page is NailsByAyeJae.wordpress.com My Pinterest Acct is pinterest.com/ayejaebaby and my Blogger Page is NailsByAyeJae.blogspot.com 


Until next time guys thanks for being interested in the Thoughts In My Head!

Wishful Preminition

Hey Dolls;

This blog is just about what I wish will happen in the future. Forgive me but I cant get to detailed due to its all still ongoing, but basically this is about where I would like to be in 6 months and what I wish to have accomplished by that time. Emotionally wise I would like to be stronger than ever. I would like for that Army Brat mentality to have kicked in and taken over. I dont want to be "12 years old" mentally anymore. For those of you who dont know a few years back I went through something that did a number on me mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I felt like I had regressed mentally back to being 12 years old. I was afraid of every single thing, I wouldnt leave the house, I hardly ever seen my friends anymore. I think that will change now though only because it has no choice but to since my world has changed. In 6 months I hope to be in a better position to help my mama and I HAVE to be in school considering its only a 6 month course, after that I will be making really good money. I hope mentally wise I am able to think about my father and not cry or get upset but to smile and feel like I KNOW I am making him proud. I wanna be smarter about life more so than I am now. I hope to become as strong as my Father was, he didnt let anything stand in his way. I hope to have the mentality of a provider so my mother has no more worries. I would like to make it to where she doesnt need to work. As far as everything else (this is where I cant get into detail) but I hope and pray justice is served the right way because what had taken place is pure negligence. I believe justice will be served so I have hope. Thats about all that I can hope for at this moment. I cant put too much pressure on myself because I know that will deter me and get me off track...that happens quite often. I hope to be able to focus a lot more and have a lot more inner strength. I think I can achieve that dont you?? Well loves I am going to leave it here. Just wanted to post something...get these thoughts out of my head so I can focus on other things that need my attention. Until next time Dolls!!

Aye.Jae

Didnt Know The World Could Stop

Hey Dolls;

As promised below im about to let you in on what has been going on. Now that im thinking about it in hindsight everything else seems obsolete except one thing; my daddy's death. It happened very recently on December 17, 2010 although I truly feel he left us on December 15, 2010 and I will tell you why. Instead of giving everyone the details and putting myself through the horrible task of repeating horrible things, i'll just tell you the basics. My father was currently a truck driver driving 18 wheelers and after a move on December14, 2010 he started having chest pains blacking in and out of consciousness unable to move anything to be able to call someone so on December 15, 2010 my father went into the hospital with chest pain and ended up having a stroke or two before actually getting into surgery because the first hospital he went to they immediately knew they werent the best qualified to help him so they air lifted him to another hospital nearby. By the time that doctor got to him he was already in a stroke. He ended up surviving 10 hours of surgery on his heart cause he dissected his aortic valve but the docotor told us after it was over that his left side may already be gone but we'll all see what happens. Well that night I immediately felt a change in myself and still to this day I cannot explain or tell you what it is but I was able to kinda take charge in a way and able to stop myself from crying and just remaining calm. Anyone and everyone who knows me knows knows that I am an emotional wreck. I cant seem to hold anything in but somehow that night I was able to, to keep myself from freaking out. So the next day on December 16, 2010 after the 101 calls over night my father had a good night. He was stable and strong but still super duper critical and was in a coma but thats where they wanted him to be. On the 16th they tried to take him off the ventilator and see how he responds. Well when they would call his name he would just move his right arm as of brushing them off but he didnt open his eyes. That to me was soooo extraordinary...less than 24 hours after the surgery and he's already responding to his name, I was thrilled. I had already guessed him opening his eyes wouldnt happen cause i've never heard of that happening in less than 24 hrs. So the next day, December 17, 2010,  around 7-8 pm the doctor called my mom and told her to not get on a plane to go there that some critical decisions need to be made in the next few minutes because my fathers brain started to swell. They wanted to know do we wanna just call it or open his head to allow room for the swelling. Our decision was to open his head for more room but the doctor decided he was going to run a scan on him to find out if there is any brain activity. He called us back and told us there was nothing there that they were going to pronounce him dead at that time!! Are you serious?? I just about lost it completely but I seen it in my mothers eyes; something in her clicked and she went into denial super quick...right in front of my eyes. That was one of the weirdest things I have ever witnessed before. I immediately called my uncle and asked for him to come over and he did. The night before however, as I was laying down a thought popped up in my head that I should search for my cousin Timisha. Her mother is my aunt on my dads side of the family. Weve been searching for them for years. Well the day of his passing I woke up and got on facebook and searched for her there. I found someone who looks similar to her and wrote her a message stating who I was and who I was looking for. About 30 minutes after "The Call" she wrote me back excited as can be because it turns out they were looking for us as well and went as fas as hirinig a privite detective to track us down. Lemme tell you they came sooo close!! i was heartbroken to find out how close. So I wrote her back trying to sound as excited as I could have possibly been asking her to have he mama call us asap. She called but we were on the phone so we called her back immediately and i had the lovely task of breaking the news to my Aunt Doris. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I said hello to her and she said it back and asked how we were and I just paused and told her "Aunt Doris....my dad's dead" and she had to turn down the tv but I could tell she understood what I said the first time then I had to repeat it and we just cried and cried. I kept telling her how sorry I was to find her and have to break this news to her. Turns out her grandma (my great grandma) and her dad (my grandpa) passed away within about a year of each other a few years back and now her brother!! I felt absolutely terrible about that. I couldnt even imagine, him and her were super close. It just broke my heart, but I take that as my father telling me to look for them and basically sent them to us. I find that cool cause he knew it would take a lot of people to fill his shoes and who better to start filling them than his favorite sister. That brings me comfort. So the following decision that we had to make was whether or not we wanted him to be an organ donor. Since we had no prior knowledge of what he would have wanted we went with what we believed to be the right thing, we donated his organs. So for the next day or two even though he was pronounce dead they had to keep him on the ventilators to keep his organs functioning long enough for them to harvest them. We found out that he will be helping at least 4 people which again brings me comfort, I just hope they go to someone who wont abuse them. On December 22, 2010 is when I finally saw my father again for the last time. That was the date of his viewing. My dad is Prior Service so he had the most gorgeous Military Burial!! Never having seen a deceased person and having the first one be my father is just so not cool. I dont think the full effects of that has kicked in just yet, im scared to see that. On the morning of December 23, 2010 I had to lay my 44 year old father to rest. I cant even being to describe how that felt and still feels to me. 2 days before christmas?! Thats just wrong on so many levels. I lost my father at only 22 single without kids...so he wont be here for me getting married or having kids and my mother lost her husband of 22 1/2 years. How do you begin to go on and live after losing such a prominent person in your life? It just seems so pointless to me. I'd give up any and every single thing I have on this world just to have my father back and for my mama to have her husband. This was a tragic lose for us, how do we cope. We never once thought about the possibility of our father passing away cause we spent most of our lives worrying about my mother so for this to happen sent shock waves throughout the family and our world. It stood still for quite some time; finally however, it has finally begun to move again and thats because we believe our father hooked up with some angels and God himself and made a lot of things happen and just fall into place for us. That in its own is a cool little story I would like to share with everyone eventually. So as of today, January 14, 2011, I have started my new life from this new rebirth of me and my family. I hope its a more sane one because the last one was just completely jacked up. I hope to continue posting blogs full of progress and beauty and greatness rather than pain, anger and sadness. Thanks for letting me share my story with you all. I have more to come if you guys would like to stick around...as for me...I will be just fine one way or another only because I am the Daughter of a Soldier who never quit and always kept going no matter what!! I hope I make him proud and I hope he comes to visit me often whether it be in spirit form sitting right next to me or in my dreams. I miss you dearly daddy. I hope to gain your strength. ILOVEYOU!!


Aye.Jae

January 13, 2011

Hello Dolls,

Long time no talk; I know I know thats majority my fault and I apologize!! The last post I made was on this day last year...crazy I know. I didnt know that until I came back here just a few minutes ago. Well there have been some seriously major changes in my life this past year that I would like to share with you guys if your still interested. If you are please stay tuned for another post either sometime later tonight or tomorrow!! Take care you all and until next post; 3L's Live Laugh $ Love!!

Aye.Jae

Our Haiti Friends

Today I wanna send a Prayer to everyone in Haiti and people who have family members, friends...anyone there. When I first heard it was a 7.0 maqnitude earthquake my first thouqht was "Good Lord" , little did I know that it was the worst one to hit them in 200 years. My heart hurts for them because as you all may know; we just had an earthquake as well but it hit off the coast of california and was nothinq near as devestatinq as this one was. We were so fortunate but they sadly wasnt. Times like this really makes me wanna put on a superqirl outfit and save the world but I cant. That is left up to all of us and aqain, sadly...not everyone is on board and probably wont be until its just a little too late. If everyone just did one qood thinq; biq or small; it would make a HUGE difference, just wish people could see that. UNITY is the key word here!! Haiti is the one of the poorest countries with at least 80% of people livinq in poverty. I heard on the news that people feed their children mud pies and live off less than a dollar a day  =o  I wish riqht now that I was a wealthy person cause i'd head straiqht over there and DO SOMETHING; but thanks to this recession myself as well as others cant do anythinq and I hope that the people who ARE able to do somethinq...does it. Think about Karma...its 100% real.

I cant help but think what is happeninq to us?? The world is shiftinq biq time riqht now; why?? What are we mutatinq this world into lol; its not a lauqhinq matter, it honestly scares me. Mother Nature is one pissed off person riqht now between the horrible winter weather that swunq throuqh the States to this and back to all the Terror in the Skies. WTF is qoinq on?! UNITY people!! PEACE LOVE & HAPPINESS!!

May ya`ll be well, God Bless us all!!

Aye.Jae

Not Feelinq Well

Good Morninq World. I wanted to qet on and make a little post. I havent been feelinq too well lately which is the reason why I havent been on but I wanted to touch base with yall. I cant wait until this horrible Winter ends. I cant stand it. It`s always qloomy and just stupid outside lol. Cant even let my prima donna cats out cause their little toes qet too cold =]. They run from the wind too lol...not normal cats at all. Well my dears ima qet qoinq; just wishinq you all the best today and the rest of the week. Have Fun and Be Safe =]

With love,
Aye.Jae

Advice Needed...

Good Morninq my loves. How is everyone today?? Me; im ok just dealinq with the beqinninq symptoms of my monthly friend...meaninq; im cranky, irritated, pissed, tired and just blah...all at the same time today. =[ Does anyone of you (women) deal with that to like a high degree or do I just have PMDD? lol I dunno but I hate beinq like this. Cryinq because I chipped a nail qettinq some milk this morninq lol. WTF??!! Since im 21, will it subside as I qet older or am I screwed until I hit menopause?? I dunno but I really need to find a way to control it because I fiqht with everyone for no reason and I dont like it. It screws up my relationships and since there has been commercials for birth control that helps with PMDD being a "BAD DRUG" i'm not touching that stuff. Could certain foods I eat durinq this time contributinq to it?? I have no choice but to ask my fellow Bloggers because I dont have a sister and my mother...well thats another story lol. I know this post may come off as a little T.M.I. but hey I dont care really cause I know there's other women out there experiencinq the same thinq and I personally feel like talkinq about it will help with developinq more ways of dealinq with it. I think someone needs to invent an Epidural Pill for cramps too lol...just sayinq. Well Peeps im out. My cat is scratchinq the couch and keeps qoinq back for more and...YEP you quessed it...it's pissinq me off lol. Cuttinq short until next post; TOOTLES =]