Hey Dolls;
As promised below im about to let you in on what has been going on. Now that im thinking about it in hindsight everything else seems obsolete except one thing; my daddy's death. It happened very recently on December 17, 2010 although I truly feel he left us on December 15, 2010 and I will tell you why. Instead of giving everyone the details and putting myself through the horrible task of repeating horrible things, i'll just tell you the basics. My father was currently a truck driver driving 18 wheelers and after a move on December14, 2010 he started having chest pains blacking in and out of consciousness unable to move anything to be able to call someone so on December 15, 2010 my father went into the hospital with chest pain and ended up having a stroke or two before actually getting into surgery because the first hospital he went to they immediately knew they werent the best qualified to help him so they air lifted him to another hospital nearby. By the time that doctor got to him he was already in a stroke. He ended up surviving 10 hours of surgery on his heart cause he dissected his aortic valve but the docotor told us after it was over that his left side may already be gone but we'll all see what happens. Well that night I immediately felt a change in myself and still to this day I cannot explain or tell you what it is but I was able to kinda take charge in a way and able to stop myself from crying and just remaining calm. Anyone and everyone who knows me knows knows that I am an emotional wreck. I cant seem to hold anything in but somehow that night I was able to, to keep myself from freaking out. So the next day on December 16, 2010 after the 101 calls over night my father had a good night. He was stable and strong but still super duper critical and was in a coma but thats where they wanted him to be. On the 16th they tried to take him off the ventilator and see how he responds. Well when they would call his name he would just move his right arm as of brushing them off but he didnt open his eyes. That to me was soooo extraordinary...less than 24 hours after the surgery and he's already responding to his name, I was thrilled. I had already guessed him opening his eyes wouldnt happen cause i've never heard of that happening in less than 24 hrs. So the next day, December 17, 2010, around 7-8 pm the doctor called my mom and told her to not get on a plane to go there that some critical decisions need to be made in the next few minutes because my fathers brain started to swell. They wanted to know do we wanna just call it or open his head to allow room for the swelling. Our decision was to open his head for more room but the doctor decided he was going to run a scan on him to find out if there is any brain activity. He called us back and told us there was nothing there that they were going to pronounce him dead at that time!! Are you serious?? I just about lost it completely but I seen it in my mothers eyes; something in her clicked and she went into denial super quick...right in front of my eyes. That was one of the weirdest things I have ever witnessed before. I immediately called my uncle and asked for him to come over and he did. The night before however, as I was laying down a thought popped up in my head that I should search for my cousin Timisha. Her mother is my aunt on my dads side of the family. Weve been searching for them for years. Well the day of his passing I woke up and got on facebook and searched for her there. I found someone who looks similar to her and wrote her a message stating who I was and who I was looking for. About 30 minutes after "The Call" she wrote me back excited as can be because it turns out they were looking for us as well and went as fas as hirinig a privite detective to track us down. Lemme tell you they came sooo close!! i was heartbroken to find out how close. So I wrote her back trying to sound as excited as I could have possibly been asking her to have he mama call us asap. She called but we were on the phone so we called her back immediately and i had the lovely task of breaking the news to my Aunt Doris. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I said hello to her and she said it back and asked how we were and I just paused and told her "Aunt Doris....my dad's dead" and she had to turn down the tv but I could tell she understood what I said the first time then I had to repeat it and we just cried and cried. I kept telling her how sorry I was to find her and have to break this news to her. Turns out her grandma (my great grandma) and her dad (my grandpa) passed away within about a year of each other a few years back and now her brother!! I felt absolutely terrible about that. I couldnt even imagine, him and her were super close. It just broke my heart, but I take that as my father telling me to look for them and basically sent them to us. I find that cool cause he knew it would take a lot of people to fill his shoes and who better to start filling them than his favorite sister. That brings me comfort. So the following decision that we had to make was whether or not we wanted him to be an organ donor. Since we had no prior knowledge of what he would have wanted we went with what we believed to be the right thing, we donated his organs. So for the next day or two even though he was pronounce dead they had to keep him on the ventilators to keep his organs functioning long enough for them to harvest them. We found out that he will be helping at least 4 people which again brings me comfort, I just hope they go to someone who wont abuse them. On December 22, 2010 is when I finally saw my father again for the last time. That was the date of his viewing. My dad is Prior Service so he had the most gorgeous Military Burial!! Never having seen a deceased person and having the first one be my father is just so not cool. I dont think the full effects of that has kicked in just yet, im scared to see that. On the morning of December 23, 2010 I had to lay my 44 year old father to rest. I cant even being to describe how that felt and still feels to me. 2 days before christmas?! Thats just wrong on so many levels. I lost my father at only 22 single without kids...so he wont be here for me getting married or having kids and my mother lost her husband of 22 1/2 years. How do you begin to go on and live after losing such a prominent person in your life? It just seems so pointless to me. I'd give up any and every single thing I have on this world just to have my father back and for my mama to have her husband. This was a tragic lose for us, how do we cope. We never once thought about the possibility of our father passing away cause we spent most of our lives worrying about my mother so for this to happen sent shock waves throughout the family and our world. It stood still for quite some time; finally however, it has finally begun to move again and thats because we believe our father hooked up with some angels and God himself and made a lot of things happen and just fall into place for us. That in its own is a cool little story I would like to share with everyone eventually. So as of today, January 14, 2011, I have started my new life from this new rebirth of me and my family. I hope its a more sane one because the last one was just completely jacked up. I hope to continue posting blogs full of progress and beauty and greatness rather than pain, anger and sadness. Thanks for letting me share my story with you all. I have more to come if you guys would like to stick around...as for me...I will be just fine one way or another only because I am the Daughter of a Soldier who never quit and always kept going no matter what!! I hope I make him proud and I hope he comes to visit me often whether it be in spirit form sitting right next to me or in my dreams. I miss you dearly daddy. I hope to gain your strength. ILOVEYOU!!
Aye.Jae
